We are finally in the new house with the new studio. It's not completely done yet but the main living space is ready and the studio is almost done. I expect to be back on the air very soon, possibly as early as Monday, September 16th. It all depends on getting the rest of the room set up enough to break up any sound not caught in the panels. It's a sound geek thing.
When the studio is done, it will no longer be "The Ugly Little Studio." The Lord has blessed us with a great home and, with a huge thanks to my friend Alan Schoenbein and ABC Construction & Restoration, a fantastic studio. Only a few pieces of furniture survive from the original studio are being used and some of them are going away as soon as finances permit. It will also double as the office for Freedom Church until we have a permanent home.
I find myself with a challenge. Because of the Lovely Bride's and my injuries, the move, and an assortment of other issues, we are way behind on Freedom Church. We are still have an issue finding the right people to form the core leadership for the plant. Many people have crossed our path that are well qualified spiritually but can't connect with the vision God has given us. We've had a lot of challenges with others who don't possess the qualifications needed to lead in a new church, some not qualified to lead at all but believe they are. Some I had hoped would be a part of the church have backed off from initial commitments or interest. Others have remained supportive but stopped short of expressing a desire to help. Finding the leaders has proven to be one of the greatest challenges I have ever faced in ministry.
When combined with some professional setbacks in my day job and a couple minor issues at home, I feeling a little discouraged. Okay, I'm feeling a lot discouraged and fighting a serious funk. There's really no other way to put it. I feel drained physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have no energy at all and feel myself not caring very much. I'm fighting it through prayer but I'm still very down.
I don't discourage easily. The Lovely Bride and I have fought through far worse than we are facing now. We know we are called to do this. We know we are called to reach a challenging group of people that few others have a desire to reach. We expected challenges and difficulties and other junk from the enemy trying to stop us. Even though I knew these days would come, I still feel very ill-prepared for them now that they are here. I understand Elijah when he was in hiding better than I have before. Great triumph that was followed by deep fear and depression. Fear isn't the issue for me. I'm not scared of continuing nor do I fear the enemy and his direct attacks. His approach is different with me.
I know what's happening is his attack. Direct attacks fail with most of us so he's hitting me through doubts, past issues, and negative words from people I respected. I keep hearing whispers in my ear telling me to give up. "No one cares if you do this," the voice says, "If they cared they'd do more to help. They'd join the team." Other times it says, "No one believes you can do this. Look at all the respected leaders who've told you that you're not qualified and you can't do it. How could they be wrong?" These voices are strong in all of us at different times. Past failures and negative words have stopped many people from achieving what the Lord has called them to be. Long after the words are spoken, they linger in our minds and hearts continuing to do damage to our present and future.
These are easy to dismiss when things are going well. After all, what better way to silence them than success? It's when the storms hit, plans go awry, or people abandon you that they ring with great power. With the challenges with finding leadership combined with a rough month at my day job (a serious financial hit), the enemy's voice in their harsh words are hitting harder than normal. I am pushing them aside with the Word and with reason. Most of the words spoken were said either from shallow relationship or ones that only know my past mistakes and not my growth from them. The Word reminds me of who I am in Christ and that I can do all things through Him. Fortunately, there are those who do speak encouragement into my life who know me better and believe in the vision the Lord gave me. Their words break through the funk.
As you can tell, in writing this out, the Lord has been helping to push through my funk and help me find peace again. I am encouraged by the recent support and His Spirit. I am doing much better. I understand David's psalms. Most of them started out pretty rough and ended in David expressing a renewed trust in God. That's where I am right now.
Perhaps the Lord allows us to experience these times to grow us and remind us of Who exactly is in control. The voices are dropping to a powerless whisper as I am reminded of my purpose to glorify Him and not heed the falsehoods of men. Yes, even the most respected men and women of God can be wrong about people. No one always hears the voice of the Lord with perfect accuracy. If we listen to people who do not see the best the Lord has for us and allow them to dictate our actions, we are not allowing the Lord to be on the throne. We're putting them there.
Please note that I am not talking about receiving words of correction or discipline. Such words are not meant to injure but to heal. In this situation, the words are "not yet" instead of "never." True words of rebuke are redemptive and lead to a path that will bring about the changes the Lord desires. The words spoken to me and, I suspect, many of you had no redemptive value. They were wounding and often shaming. Think of the conversation between Nathan and David. (2 Kings 12) Nathan definitely corrected the king after his affair and murder of his paramour's husband. Although it was painful for David, the effect was to bring about repentance. Real words will produce good fruit even when painful. They do not lead to shame, guilt, or depression. It may take time and does require that we receive them, but the fruit is evident in the long run.
Maybe this helps you, maybe it doesn't. I appreciate you allowing me to be transparent with you for a little while. I told all of you that when I started to blog this journey that I wouldn't hold anything back. I will be posting more soon.
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